Monday, January 16, 2017

Eliminating Negative People From Your Life

This whole topic isn't easy. Recently, I've had to go through this process and it's very difficult to do, especially when the toxic person in your life is someone you care a lot about. This happened to me with someone I was dating for 4 months. In this post, I'm going to give you the advice that I wish someone would have given me to help me deal with such heartbreak.

The first time we saw one another it was magical! We both looked at each other and went "woah" on the inside. It was like we were exactly what one another wanted and you would think that from there, our story would be perfect and it would lead us to live happily ever after. Well, that never happened.

 Our first date was pretty awkward to be honest. Being homeschooled in high school, I didn't know the first thing about dating or how to act around someone you like so I got super awkward. The date overall was really fun though! We had wine and wings by the lake, it was all very romantic. As our journey progressed, we had a lot of disagreements. Even though we were what each other really wanted, we both had different agendas. He wanted things to be sexual and I wanted things to be romantic. Our entire 4 months of being together were filled with disagreements about sex, about dating, about being with one another and we broke up maybe 5 times but always came back to each other.


Throughout those 4 months, he was very emotionally abusive towards me. If I did anything wrong, the smallest thing, there was no such thing as "talking it out". It was him going "YOURE WRONG. THIS IS WHY. FUCK YOU." The things I did that he considered wrong were really rookie mistakes that I really didn't know he would be affected by especially when he was always reiterating the fact that he didn't want to be in a relationship with me and only wanted things to be physical. He constantly jumped from being romantic towards me to not giving two sh**ts about me like I was just some girl from the street. Needless to say, I was super confused throughout the entire relationship. A lot of our disagreements also had to do with the fact that I wasn't being affectionate enough. How could I be? I was introduced to his whole family, his friends, his EX, everyone yet I was being treated as no one special. I knew that he was a good person at his core and I fought really hard to keep us together throughout everything. I foolishly believed in us as a couple, he didn't.

We finally came to an end around New Year's. He had enough of our disagreements and decided that I should be with someone who shared the same desires relationship wise that he couldn't give me. There were a lot of things that lead to his decision, long story short, and even though we had "ended" things before, this time, he was really serious. It broke my heart.

He definitely wasn't the most influential and positive person in my life, I will tell you that. He said and did a lot of mean things to me that he doesn't see as wrong. Now that I'm reflecting on these things, I know not to tolerate them from anyone else.

The moral of the story is: whenever someone enters your life and you see signs of negative behavior, no matter what, leave. I believe in talking things out with people to check their intentions but when they've done you wrong and you point it out and they have no remorse for how they made you feel, you have to go. If you don't go, they will eventually leave you and you will be the one sitting there stuck and feeling low about it. Don't let this be you!

Never allow anyone to treat you and cause you to feel below your worth. As far as relationships go, there are so many people out here who are willing to give you things that will make you happy. Clinging on to one person isn't going to help you make your dreams come true. Just because that one person who you feel can't live without has qualities that you want in a person, that doesn't mean that you an alter them into the whole picture. It's either they're what you need or they are not.

The same applies to friendships. If they aren't supporting you 1000%, if they are excluding you when you are around other people, etc, leave them alone. I have people who pretended to be my friend but when it came time to hang out, I never heard from them. A lot of people come in and out of your life at their convenience. Stop allowing yourself to be a doggie door for these people. You deserve people who value having you in their life.

In conclusion, don't hesitate to cut people off when they need to be because when they feel that way towards you, I promise you, they won't hesitate. Don't allow yourself to be an underdog. Take control of how your relationships affect you. This is your life and you have the power to choose what kind of influences you want and don't want to be included in it.

Love,
Nazanin




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